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The Secret to Thriving at Work: How Prioritizing Mutual Success Can Transform Workplace Friendships

Aug



Having friends at work doesn’t just make your day more enjoyable—it’s also a powerful driver of productivity, engagement, and commitment. It turns out that meaningful workplace connections can significantly enhance our professional lives, not just emotionally but also in terms of performance.

In You, Me, We: Why We All Need a Friend at Work (and How to Show Up as One!), we explore how workplace friendships are among the strongest predictors of productivity. The research shows that when we feel connected to our colleagues, we’re more likely to make better decisions, stay engaged in our tasks, and remain committed to our goals.

Yet, despite these benefits, building friendships at work isn’t always straightforward. Organizational hierarchies and the perception of ulterior motives can make forming these relationships feel like a balancing act. However, these work-place connections are vital to our psychological and physical well-being. Simply put, we can’t perform at our best unless we feel connected to others.

Three Types of Friendships

The philosopher Aristotle identified three types of friendships, each serving different purposes:

  1. Friendships based on utility: These are relationships formed out of mutual benefit.
  2. Friendships based on pleasure: Here, mutual enjoyment and emotional rapport are at the core.
  3. Friendships based on the good: These are deeper connections, rooted in shared goals and values, combining elements of both utility and pleasure.

In the workplace, these types of friendships often overlap. The culture of your organization likely has unspoken rules about the appropriate boundaries and depths of these relationships. But when nurtured correctly, even friendships of utility can evolve into something more meaningful and mutually beneficial.

The Golden Rule of Friendship

Drawing from the insights in You, Me, We, if you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. This principle is fundamental in cultivating any relationship, whether it’s personal or professional.

When you focus on making others feel valued and understood, they’re more likely to reciprocate and engage with you positively. This seems simple, but our own egos often get in the way. We’re naturally inclined to seek validation and attention for ourselves. 

Our research shows that the old adage, "prioritize the other person’s needs and feelings over your own desire to impress," might actually do more harm than good. This mindset can lead to saying 'yes' when we should say 'no,' people-pleasing, and ultimately doing what others want at our own expense. Instead, the true key to building strong relationships is to prioritize the other person’s needs and feelings alongside your own. It's the AND of life—how can I help you be successful while also ensuring my own success?

This approach shifts us away from the outdated win-lose, scarcity mindset and towards a philosophy of abundance and generosity. It’s about focusing on how we can be better together, creating outcomes where both parties benefit. Whether it's sharing the credit for a successful project or collaborating to overcome a challenge, embracing this balanced perspective strengthens relationships and builds a more supportive and productive work environment.

Connection & Compassion: Friends and Self-Disclosure

For two people to deeply connect, it’s essential to move beyond surface-level interactions. As we discuss in Cultivate. The Power of Winning Relationships, relationships thrive on shared experiences and honest communication. The concept of self-disclosure—gradually sharing more personal details as trust builds—is crucial for deepening any relationship.

However, in a competitive work environment, this can feel risky. To navigate this, consider these practical steps:

  1. Start on a positive note: Lay a foundation of positive interactions before sharing more sensitive information.
  2. Don’t rush the process: Build trust gradually by sharing incrementally.
  3. Keep interactions positive: Balance any negative discussions with positive ones to avoid turning conversations into gripe sessions.
  4. Look for similarities: Find common interests that can serve as a basis for connection.
  5. Open up to non-work topics: Discussing non-work-related subjects can strengthen bonds.
  6. Evaluate the friendship together: Regularly check in with your colleague about your relationship and any boundaries that might need attention.

Look Up, Show Up, Step Up

To truly cultivate meaningful friendships at work, follow the "Look Up, Show Up, Step Up" framework from You, Me, We:

  • Look Up: Be aware of those around you. Notice who might need a friend or ally at work and extend an offer of support.
  • Show Up: Be present and engaged in your interactions. Demonstrate that you value the relationship and are willing to invest time and energy into it.
  • Step Up: Take action to deepen the relationship. This might mean initiating more meaningful conversations, offering help when it’s needed, or simply being there for your colleague in times of stress.

Friendships at work aren’t just a nice-to-have; they’re a must-have for a fulfilling and successful career. If you’re looking to deepen your workplace friendships, try these suggestions and watch how your professional life transforms.

By Morag Barrett

Keywords: HR, Leadership, Management

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